Michelle 25

Alright!

Doesn't it seem like when you want something in a hurry, time goes slow?  Then, when you're having a good time, it seems like everything and everyone moves at a snail's pace?

For those who have survived weeks, months and years of manipulation and abuse, when we finally tell someone, it seems like something should be done right away.

One thing I am learning is "If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing right." (or in this case, after reporting or telling someone about an issue, you have to allow them time to properly deal with it.)

Patience, my dear friends, is definitely not the easiest grace to walk in; however, it is well worth it in the end.

No matter what happens, YOU are blessed.

Survive With Attitude!  An Attitude of LOVE and Victory!

So yeah, I thought it would be an interesting day to post here...

When you're a little girl and you think about Valentine's Day, you never think it will be remembering someone who said they loved you...hurt you.  Hurt you worse than anyone you could ever imagine...

I think when you know such a great love, and then it turns out to be a person who hurts you so much, you wonder if you ever knew real love at all.  

But he (S) never really loved me, I suspect.  He used me. He saw how vulnerable I was and took advantage of a situation that would benefit him.  THAT is NOT love. LOVE DOESN'T satisfy itself and leave you hurting.

Now, of course, no love compares to that of our Heavenly Father, and maybe that's what's truly wrong. My expectations are extremely high, now that I realized how much God loves me. :)

Today, I'm still healing from so much pain and manipulation, but I am happy. For all of those who are surviving with Attitude today, May God bless and keep your heart in His hands.

Remember that song?

"Where have all the good men gone...?"

I'm a romantic, and even though I've was abused as a child and assaulted as an adult, I still believe that they are somewhere.

Why?  Well, I think we have to have hope and believe in the good things in life. What's the alternative

to that? Think only about the horrible people who have done horrible things to us?  I don't want to live with an expectation of "bad" happening.

I have seen such beautiful things in my life. With three sons of my own, I have to believe that that beauty can exist inside a partner.

Be encouraged. NOT ALL people are maniupulative, take advantage of you and only want sex.

Survive With Attitude, and make it a GOOD ONE!

The question that doesn't really have a clear answer.

"Are you okay?"

I'd like to inform others and come into agreement with survivors by saying, "THERE IS NOT ONE DEFINITION OF OKAY!"

So what is the appropriate question to ask someone who is dealing with healing? Healing of the heart and mind doesn't go by a certain time frame, and for every one, it is a unique situation.

While there are tons of books and internet access to guides that help the "victim," sometimes those who are trying to support the SURVIVOR (which we prefer to be called.)

One of the most important things to ask, "How are you?" 

And then...LISTEN! You might not agree with or like what you  hear in answer to your question, but most of the time people just need someone to listen. :)

I definitely am of the opinion that children abused have a higher percentage of being abused as an adult.

Some don't know the history of why I want to speak, so I thought it would be a good idea to walk in the past...for a moment.

Here's an excerpt of a story that can be found here: Witness Justice

A Song of Hope

Early childhood sexual assault can impact the way a victim thinks, feels, and experiences life. For survivor Michelle Myers, while multiple traumas and violence cast a dark cloud on life, she found hope and her own path to healing through music.

At the tender age of four, my father was murdered by a mentally ill offender while stationed abroad in the military. A few years later, my mother would remarry, unknowingly to an abusive man. I suffered ten years of sexual abuse by my step-father. When I reached my teens, I realized that my step-father would not abuse me when I was sick, so I began making myself vomit. On Mother’s Day, when I was 14 years old, I told my mother about the abuse I had been living with.

Not knowing what to do, my mother went to a trusted church pastor for help and advice. She was told to seek a divorce, but not to pursue the violence in court, as it could result in the removal of her children from her home. My mother feared that this would be worse, so she filed for divorce and did her best to protect us.

While I struggled with low self esteem and the impact of years of violence, I was fortunate to have a very close and trusted friend in Christopher David Terry. We met at the age of 13 and were inseparable. David’s nature was to hear those who were hurting. David was my idol and inspiration. He was a critical part of my healing process and built up my self esteem in ways that nobody else could.

When we were 26 years old, violence would devastate my life yet again. While at a carwash, Christopher David Terry was shot in the head by teenagers. While David’s life ended, the connection we shared remains. I have dreams where he speaks to me and David sends signs of his life, message, and hope when I am in need of affirmation and support.

The pain and trauma of violence profoundly impacted my life. Thankfully, I have a wonderfully supportive mother and special relationship with David’s mother as well. I married my best friend, business partner, and hero Ron Walters. I’ve found love, support, understanding, and healing in my relationship with him and our family. Ron and I write songs together as a form of expression and that creative outlet has served to be a path to healing for me.

Nearly two decades after the abuse ended, I learned that the man who wounded me so deeply in my childhood lived on a few miles away from a rally for National Crime Victims’ Rights Week where I would be speaking. While I never saw justice through the system for what happened to me, and while my fear of him is still very real, I realized that forgiveness isn’t for him (the abuser), it is for me.

I’ve learned that life can bring many challenges, but with faith and a strong support system, life can also be a song of hope for others. That’s where I like to focus my energy now.

Michelle Myers is a victim advocate, speaking at public events to bring about a greater understanding of the impact of violence. She joined the Witness Justice Advisory Board in 2006.

Witness Justice^TM
P.O. Box 2516, Rockville, MD 20847-2516
Ph: 301-846-9110
Copyright © 2002-2012 Witness Justice

I Got a ticket in my Pocket.....

Wrote a new song last night.  It's about having a special ticket in my pocket that I can use to escape to a better place.  Access to this place comes by telling truth and allow the Light of God to dispel the darkness of evil.

Anyone can fall prey to the negative things of this word; but it takes people with integrity to make the right choices.  We are all human,which makes us innately guilty as we roam the planet.  But what separates us from the animals?  OUR ABILITY TO MAKE CHOICES BASES ON RIGHT AND WRONG!

Healing comes in many forms and fashions. I am blessed that God allowed me to be a musician. It saves me over and over again on this journey by being a fountain of relief and expression. All that I am and will ever be, I give honor and glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

But even if you're not a believer, God believes in you. The love that I feel from the Creator of the Universe was carefully planned, and we are children not of the earth...but of a God. A Father who loves us all so much, that no matter the terrible things that happen on this planet, He is always faithful to give us a TICKET.  A TICKET to another dimension within ourselves to be free.

Welcome to Survive With Attitude!

If you're new to this blog, scroll down for earlier entries to catch up.  This post is going to begin to deal with what I call "Spiritual Abuse," and "Religious Predators."

So, it's been almost two weeks since I reported the person who took advantage of me.  It seems like the beginning of the story to most, but for me it's been a long journey that began in 2010.

I met a guy and his wife at church one day. They seemed to be kind, loving, and really cared about praying for people and doing things for God. After being around them for a couple of weeks, I found myself rapped up in a world of what they called supernatural instances.

Now, I used to be a skeptic about healing and stuff, but that died away, the day I was healed of Asperger's Syndrome.  If you don't know, people with this diagnosis are rather smart, but tend to have issues reading social cues and various other social interaction issues.  So I was smart, but quite niave in my ability to know when someone was up to no good.

So when I met this couple, I had no idea what my life was going to look like in the very near future. He prayed for me one day outside of church, and I literally had an encounter with God.  The world went from grey to amazing colors, and I no longer had the perceptions of someone with Asperger's.

So many people in my life had no idea how I struggled. I had to watch movies in order to know how to act socially, and I never knew how food tasted correctly, and found myself in dangerous situations all the time.  I was like a 10 year old child, who hadn't learned about the big bad world yet, so getting healed was amazing.  

Obviously, if you got healed from a lifelong illness, it has a profound affect on your life. I felt as if the world was brand new, and there were so many things I hadn't truly experienced.  The first time I ate blue-berry pancakes I cried...I had no idea how you could taste and smell at the same time. My doctor was amazed, and I was noted to be a scientific miracle.

So this guy and I had a serious connection. Some would call it a psychic connection, and I use the word only for understanding, while we called it a "current" or stream of energy that somehow connected us. We were able to pick up on one another's thoughts and actions, and time and time again people were astounded at the way we could "perform."

I was elated to have two best friends.  One male. One female. Together, the three of us had fun times and did ministry together, and I couldn't have been happier...at first.

Welcome to  S.W.A.

Survive With Attitude

Anyone who touches you in a sexual manner after you communicate that you don't want them to is a perpetrator. It is not okay, you don't deserve it, and you can do something about it.

If writing this blog can help one person feel empowered about their situation, then it is more than worth it.  No matter what you have ever done, or what you could ever dream to do, NO ONE has the right to make your body do anything you don't will it to do. It's time for shame to be driven out and for SURVIVORS to know their God given rights to expose this crime of betrayal.

I am a survivor of childhood abuse, and I believe that is what made me an easier target for my adult assaulter. It added to my thought process and made me easy to groom for whatever he wanted to do. It is so important for society to get more involved with ending abuse to children. Helping the young can save them a lifetime worths of abuse and being taken advantage of.

I filed charges against someone for sexual assault on January 16, 2012. The incident had taken place the previous year on January 24, 2011, and finally had the courage to tell the whole truth to the authorities this year. I open myself up to ridicule, judgement and more, I realize; however, my name doesn't matter. The truth is what matters, and I know that God honors the truth.

Falling in love with the devil can be a dangerous thing...